I want[ed] to go back to being a reader (p 9), declares Rebecca Mead, after her career in journalism. This is how I feel, now, after a stimulating summer season of exploring, discussing, and sharing our writings on Middlemarch. Challenged to produce an essay after each book, I appreciate those of you who responded to my efforts! This ninth article is the hardest to initiate, perhaps because I was missing more of George Eliot’s narrative, and I found Mead’s approach tedious. Too many threads of new information of hers and George Eliot’s lives; I had a hard time staying with her theme to link their experiences to the characters in the novel. Nonetheless, I am impressed that Mead has read Middlemarch so often, through various life stages. Her persistence and curiosity to discover what influenced and motivated Eliot to imagine a life of innovative realistic fiction has given me pause to consider my own recollections and their connection to why I favor certain characters.
As a serious, though naïve, freshman at Hollins in 1969, I was interested in learning. Thankfully, my mind was open to whatever education flung my way, although, in retrospect, I give more credit to the professor than to my zeal. I took a chance and signed up for a course on the Old Testament, taught by chaplain Alvord Beardslee, after my preferred course, psychology, was filled. Similar to when Lydgate opened a book on Anatomy, and his life was changed in an instant (p 52), so was mine when Mr. Beardslee pointed my spirit toward another way of being, and reflecting. His intellectual and religious viewpoints challenged my childhood preconceptions. As Dorothea was an earnest, unconventional heroine, like her author (p 13-4), I, too, was attracted to a more unusual path. I majored in religion, and chose to spend my junior year at St Mary’s Divinity School in St Andrew’s University, Scotland. Ironically, during my time there, I acted more like Rosamund and Celia, deciding to enjoy the attentions of handsome and interesting men. But, stirring beneath the fun, was my deep yearning for a meaningful life (p 21), like so many of Eliot’s characters who sought fulfillment via relationship and/or vocation. I pursued a nursing career after Hollins, longing to alleviate the suffering of others (p 18)… no surprise that Dorothea’s, Lydgate’s, and Mrs. Bulstrode’s situations spoke to my own consciousness about how compassion, in varying degrees, is experienced.
Religion was never mentioned in Middlemarch, and Mead touched on this. I admired both Eliot’s genuine love for her father, and her candid admission in a letter to him regarding her resistance to his Christian faith. This notion- that we each have our own center of gravity, but must come to discover that others weigh the world differently than we do- is one that is constantly repeated in the book. The necessity of growing out of such self-centeredness is the theme of Middlemarch (p 159). Eliot told her story from the perspective of many characters, so that we, her readers, could release our arrogance in order to appreciate the notion of sympathy (p 158). Thank you, George Eliot, for helping me accept Mr. Casaubon and Rosamund. I think I was more drawn to them, instead of Raffles, because of the esteem I felt for their spouses.
Virginia Woolf’s now familiar observation that Middlemarch is appropriate for “grown-up people” (p 47) continued to intrigue me. How have I ‘grown up’ since Hollins, and does this mean I enjoyed Middlemarch more than I would have 40 years ago? My ‘soul’ is still recognizable to me, my emotions are heartfelt, and I strive to share empathy. I recognize the characters of Dorothea and Lydgate; but, thanks to Rebecca Mead’s research (p 164), I also acknowledge Mr. Casaubon’s dread of failure and, even, his caution with those close to him. Eliot’s style of probing our psychological depths appealed to my questioning nature. WHO are we…and WHY are we this way? In my 50s, this yearning I had for something more, turned into learning, as Mead describes Eliot (p 41). Living in a medieval town in England for 10 years, allowed me an opportunity to study to become a guide in St Albans Abbey. My peers were retired history professors, architects, civil servants; all of them educated in the English system. I learned through error, practice, and strong support from the group of 100(!), to become passionate about sharing this unique abbey with the public. My spiritual motivation drove me, keeping me sane in demanding situations (like presenting a lucid explanation of the Abbey’s historical, artistic, liturgical space to large groups). And I was reminded, when Mead explained her thrill at handling Eliot’s manuscripts (p 200), of my work transcribing 18/19th century vestry minutes. I inhabited that era for several years as I labored to understand and communicate that part of Abbey history.
A book may not tell us exactly how to live our own lives, but our own lives can teach us how to read a book (p 110). As I continue to ‘grow-up’, exploring my desire for an intellectual life, along with a passion to understand compassion and sympathy- the ethical precepts that Eliot believed were worth salvaging from the Christianity she had rejected ( p 224), I realize that life is not ideal, but it is satisfying; without many regrets, I am grateful.
Tudy Hill